The Mustard Seed

I too made this mistake. A long standing issue I had with my husband about our son’s nursery location. I would get so frustrated because our eldest had moved school and now it meant traveling half way around the town to drop off our first son and then drive back to the other side of town to drop off the youngest at nursery. I would complain to my husband in my unrest, to move the youngest also because there were lots of other nurseries close by to the oldest school, really great ones at that and it was even close to the lovely park we had on that side of town.

I would list out all the benefits trying to convince him. “They take the kids to see the horses, they are always out door, it will be closer for ME and we could even cycle”…. There was a lot of good excuses but my husband would insist "no…". I would boil inside and then "let it go" with bitterness and borderline resentment. But why did my husband insist "no?" Why was he so adamant for our youngest to remain in the preschool half way across the town? Because it was a REALLY GOOD preschool, it had nice wide outdoor play and spacious indoor area. And guess what my son really liked it. The teachers are amazing and my son really gives positive feedback. He even said "I love my teachers" 🧡. I saw it too, one in particular who had a really good charisma towards the kids I really appreciated how blessed my son would be to be apart of this experience and the nurturing care, attention and open environment he had. 

Yet why was I still so adamant, insistent and frustrated at my husband for not letting him move to the other school that is also nice but of course came with the uncertainty of not knowing, with only the guarantee of the advantage and benefit to myself of the commute and drop off? And how many times do we not make this mistake subconsciously of having our PRIORITIES of what is TRULY important out of place.

Yes to my shame, in this scenario I was being just like Judas. He was warring and fighting not because he cared for the poor but because he wanted to satisfy a hidden INTENTION of greed. I was frustrated and warring with my husband not because I cared for my son to have an amazing nursery experience but because I wanted more time for myself to invest in myself. More time to get things done at home, more time to work and make more money. Whilst the one who would get the leftover from the best there was to offer would have been my son, put inside a nursery solely based on necessity rather than LOVE.

As if my excuses of claiming farm trips, time flexibility and commuting would truly bring him the best benefits that he needed for his development. God already chose the best place that he needed to be. Right there at the place where he was planted. And if it were no longer the right place to be, there is no doubt God would cause him by circumstances, maybe even touching the heart of my husband for him to change his mind and my son would be removed and planted somewhere else.

Yes sometimes God uses people in our lives and situations, circumstances; whether it is a husband, a wife, a mother, a boss, a colleague; to challenge the inner depths of our hearts, of our souls; to expose our hidden intentions when we face FRUSTRATIONS. It manifests inside of us, who we truly are and we are able to see ourselves through our REACTIONS, when we are pressed by life's challenges, challenging our EGO, faith, trust and SINCERITY.

God is always opening our graves confronting us with FRUSTRATIONS, a live, living mirror to know the state of our SOULS. But only with the spectacles of SINCERITY and humility will there be any HOPE for us to come out of that grave. When we are able to see what we are truly made of. What is truthfully inside, beyond what the eyes can perceive. To then seek the help that we need to change, before it is too late.

Unfortunately Judas was left BLIND sighted. This confrontation, this frustration was the MERCY of God; exposing what the Lord Himself already knew from the beginning; what was inside His disciple. God allowed that confrontation to help him see the burning desire of GREED and hypocrisy that stained his soul by his reaction. He did not UNDERSTAND nor accept the will of God when that frustration confronted Him. He did not understand nor accept to know "that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (6) beyond our own understanding “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord . “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts' (7). That more than the gold and offering of reserving that oil to sell and give to the poor; was the Altar of love that Mary had towards the SOUL of our Lord Jesus; as she understood from all His messages that He would SOON be taken, killed and buried. Her actions and decision was a gesture of faith that she BELIEVED, understood and accepted the offering He was about to pay with His own life to save us, she prioritised what was more important. The SOUL.

Yes Mary understood she took care of what was most important, what was more necessary to a SOUL. The soul of our Lord and Saviour that was about to be poured out for the sin of the world. She treasured more, that which was eternal, everlasting and precious, the Soul of Jesus. This was the SENSIBILITY of my husband. Something I could not see at first blinded by the lenses of greed, anxiety, malice and unbelief. Not discerning that the care and Soul of my son, as a priority over the fast paced life of work and responsibilities was much more precious and everlasting.

A lesson we can all apply in our FAMILIES and communities. When those FRUSTRATIONS come knocking at the door of our hearts (10), to test and see the state of our soul… what are we prioritising? The gold of getting things done or the altar of trusting that God is in control and He allowed the circumstances to be this way for reasons beyond our comprehension as we wait patiently by His feet like Mary, waiting to know and understand what we ought to do. Unless we are surrendered and trusting in Him, not our own desires and lust... Unless we come to understand, as we wait for the answer, when He reveals it to us through His Spirit, when we wait on Him.

Sometimes those FRUSTRATIONS are like that Gideon and the 300 that God wants to use; few in numbers, not a lot of help compared to the 10,000; like my commuting journey and limited preschool hours. It's not much... but that one talent (12) is enough to move mountains; so that He may receive all the GLORY and the honour that He brought the things that does not exist into existence (13), not by might not by power but by His Spirit (14) that gives us wisdom.  By FAITH and through faith in Him.